Directed and Written by Chris Seaver
Cinematography by Jock DeQueaf
Music by The Planet Smashers, Wait Until Dark, and Kyle Pittman
Cast: Chris Seaver, Casey Bowker, Brad Austin, Jason McCall, Travis Indovina, Noel Williams, Shawn Green, AJ Stabone, and Brett Kelly
2006/71 mins/Color/Dolby Digital 2.0
1.33:1/English/US/NTSC Region 0
Review from Rampage/Tempe Video DVD
The film opens up a dude in drag, Maggie (AJ Stabone), being really pissed off and yelling at LBP (Low Budget Pictures) regular characters, Teen Ape (Casey Bowker), a dude in a shitty monkey mask, and Bonejack (Chris Seaver), a dude with a Don King dude, lame-ass mustache, and that talks like he is all ghetto. But he has a new job for them: to find out what has happened to some missing strippers. It is suspected that something supernatural is happening. They get a new partner in the busty Brandy (Ariauna Albright). We soon learn that Dracula (Brad Austin), Funkenstein (Jason McCall) he is Funkenstein, cause well is all “funky”, and the Wolfman (Travis Indovina) are planning to unleash evil into town. Meanwhile, three horror fans, two dudes (Shawn Green and AJ Stabone, who pulls double duty here) and a cute girl (Noel Williams) are also trying to find out is happening and end up being a retard version of the MONSTER SQAUD as they, too, decide to fight the evil.
Man, this was one truly stupid, unwatchable piece of shit! And this coming from someone who actually liked two other of Seaver’s films: MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS-KICKER and FILTHY MCNASTY! The movie is never scary and it is hardly ever funny, proving to be the worst type of horror-comedy. It is also not particularly entertaining in any way, shape, or form. The cast mostly flat out suck, with some of them, in particular the two guys playing the horror fans, doing some truly horrid and painful overacting.
The FX are bottom of the barrel. Funkenstein looks OK, I suppose, but Dracula has no fangs, and the rest of the monsters look just plain terrible. Plus, the gore, while graphic, is definitely on the cheese level. Still, some spurting blood, castration, literal pussy eating, stabbing, etc does take place. Also, on the bright side, the closing song by Wait Until Dark is a cool female fronted goth-metal song that should please fans of bands like Evanescence and Lacuna Coil. In fact the song maybe too good for the film, itself! Another good thing is that Seaver has a thing for naturally voluptuous women, but they never show their tits (unless you count faraway shots from skin mags), so it all ends up being quite disappointing.
Tempe/ Rampage has bought this shot-on-video film in its original full screen aspect ratio. The picture quality is mostly good with some rich blacks and nice bright colors. The day scenes, though, do come off as too soft colored. The Dolby 2.0 sound is nice and loud and lets the soundtrack and dialogue come off nice and clear.
As far as extras go, they include: “Photo Montage”, which has some cool behind the scenes photos set to the two songs written for the movie. “Outtakes Reel” has some bloopers, a couple of which are actually funny.
The best extra feature is “Debbie Rochon: 25 Years with LBP” is a comedic but ultimately fun look at Debbie Rochon’s work with LBP. There are interviews with Chris Seaver, Jason McCall, and Noel Williams, whom despite all the jokes about ball sucking, break-dancing, and lesbianism do give Debbie her much deserved props. It also features some clips from films she has done for them, as well as a rather fun interview with Debbie, herself, shot at some convention. She goes into how former Troma dude and RE-PENETRATOR director Doug Sakman first told her about Seaver, and how she ended up taking the job. The whole featurette was a lot of fun and ultimately better than the film, itself!
The running commentary is provided by Seaver and Casey Bowker. They start off talking about how this film came from an idea that Debbie Rochon had come up with. They explain that originally it was meant to be much more ambitious, and it certainly sounds better than the filth that ended up being shot (I suppose it can’t be any worse, right?). They get into its history, among other aspects of the film. He gives reasons as to why he could not make what was the movie that he originally intended it to be. We even learn that “Voluptuous” is his favorite porn mag, which explains why the two male horror fans are always reading it. In the end, though, the commentary fluctuates between being funny, utterly stupid, or informative. They get to a point where even they don’t care about the film and talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and weather X-MEN 3 will be any good, as opposed to talking about this turd of a film.
The DVD comes with its own trailer, as well as trailers for CARNAGE FOR THE DESTROYER, BONESETTER RETURNS, DAWN, and PROJECT: VALKYRIE. It is divided into 20 chapters, though there are no chapters mentioned on the menu. That said the menu is kind of cool, as it drips and dissolves into the next screen. The movie comes in a keep case with a cover that looks like crappy rip-off/ homage to the MONSTER SQAUD. There is no inlet card inside.
This Film Features:
Review by Giovanni Deldio. All Right Reserved. 2006. ©