D V D C R Y P T

A CRACK IN THE FLOOR

Directed by Sean Stanek & Croby Timbrook
Written by Sean Stanek
Produced by Michael Feifer
Cinematography by Mark J. Gordon
Cast: Gary Busey & Mario Lopez

2000/90 mins/Color/Dolby Digital Sound
1:33.1 Full Frame/English/US/NTSC Region 1

Review from the Monarch Home Video DVD

“Something Terrible Awaits Underneath.”

Something terrible awaits your DVD player!!

I rented this piece of shit and I should have known better. With the cover whoring out the name Gary Busey, I figured the film might have a chance at entertaining me for ninety minutes. Gary Busey + Horror Film = Plausible Entertainment. As you can tell from this review’s first sentence; it is not off to a promising start. Can Gary Busey be the shining light through an otherwise dismal crack in the floor?

Thirty-three years ago, an “unspeakable atrocity” (as worded in the DVD’s description) was committed in a cabin in the woods. A young boy named Jeremiah bared witness to his mother being “viciously” (also worded in the DVD’s description) raped and murdered. Jump to present day and Jeremiah lives in the same cabin, in a hidden room beneath. Next enter our three couples’ (including Mario Lopez, SAVED BY THE BELL) into the picture. With the weekend already planned the group ventures deep into the boondocks, meeting stereotypically bizarre backwoods folk along the way. The group finally stumbles upon a cabin that they reckon is vacant, but is none other than the very same cabin that the “unspeakable atrocity” happened. You guessed it; little do they know that ol’ twisted Jeremiah is watching them through A CRACK IN THE FLOOR.

Notice in the description I didn’t mention Busey’s character? That’s because he appears onscreen for all of three minutes! His so-called starring roll as the box alludes is regrettably defunct. In those three minutes, Busey is the only redeeming factor in this pustule of a film (but even he can’t break its surface). Busey plays Tyler Trout, a whacked-out yokel with a passion for dead chickens. That is all.

Eighty-seven minutes down the drain. Even the “rape” scene’s description was misleading. At least this could perhaps provide an unsettling moment in this “Horror” film. This scene is the vehicle for A CRACK IN THE FLOOR to exist, but rather than the director showing the films self proclaimed “unspeakable atrocity”, it shies away and becomes an insufferably dull moment. If this scene of the woman being raped and murdered was committed anymore “vicious” then she would have died of boredom. The only unspeakable atrocity here is this movies existence.

If A CRACK IN THE FLOOR was a checklist for how not to make an entertaining Horror film, it would vastly succeed. Everything regarding this movie is dreadful; from the directing, and acting, to the music, and FX. The characters and dialog are irritating. The killings occur off screen as cut-away shots. The music alone will have you reaching for the mute button. I could continue, but I have already exhausted enough energy on this film. It is good to see Slater has a flourishing movie career since SAVED BY THE BELL. For your well being, avoid this film.

Monarch Home Video pushes this shameful movie through the cracks and onto DVD, with a 1.33:1 non-anamorphic aspect ratio. The video quality is better than this film disserves with adequate colors and minimal grain or artifacts. As expected the audio doesn’t have a stellar presentation, but it works with this film in its Dolby Digital Stereo 2.0 state. A CRACK IN THE FLOOR’s lack of extras is a blessing. For the not so fortunate, a R2 UK release from Odyssey Entertainment exists to further challenge ones willpower with extras including film notes, cast bios, and an official trailer.

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No points were allowed.

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